vyv's journal!
hello! i've brought down the lights a bit because this is a more personal and intimate place. this is my online journal where i write about my life and my thoughts and feelings. i lead a pretty happy and undramatic life, but i'm a very introspective person, and i love to monologue.
i'm the kind of person who deletes all evidence of the person i was when i start to feel a shift in my being. when i change and evolve, there's this compulsive need to only represent the cleanest, newest version of who i am. but that's not honest, and frankly, not a sustainable way to express myself. so i am making a promise to myself to try not to go back and delete or change old journal entries when they become out-of-date. i intend to have this journal for a while, and part of the point of keeping a journal is having an archive of every version of yourself who has contributed. i want to have that for myself. so just know, if you're looking at a particularly old journal entry, it may not be an exact representation of who i currently am. and that's okay!
i'll try to add content warnings when applicable. if you know me in real life or think you might, it might be wise to close out of this tab altogether!
click the star to read on!
on anxiety
01/16/2025
well, it's the middle of january 2025, and the world has absolutely gone to shit. or at least that's what my brain likes to tell me. i've generally been good about consuming news rationally, from sources that don't sensationalize for clicks, but i've just been so susceptible to doom scrolling lately. i'm worried about the LA fires, and the presidency, and the temporary nature of the ceasefire in gaza, and this stupid fucking solar storm we're supposed to get this year that probably won't even do anything. and i'm also in the process of moving this year, which is an exciting but stressful prospect all on it's own. i know i literally have an anxiety disorder, but it's so hard to rationalize being anxious over things that i have no control over. i can't understand it. i can't talk the fear down because there's just nothing i can do. you would think that would be a comforting thought, but alas...
i'm no quitter, and i will work to make sure the people i love and myself are safe and happy. i am an optimist, and i truly believe that things will always turn out in the end, and that no hardship is permanent. i do my best to always put on a strong front of problem-solving and positivity in the face of adversity. but i get scared, just like anyone else. some problems feel really big. i can't fix everything, and that scares me a lot. i guess i'll just focus on what i
can do. i think i'm gonna start playing metal gear solid.
click the star to read on!
a quick test entry
01/06/2025
this journal doesn't look at ALL like i was envisioning it, but i guess it is what it is. it sucks bc i could make it basically perfect with some basic knowledge of javascript, but that is knowledge i do not have -___- oh well! better to publish something im not sure about than not publish anything at all.
check back later!
